News

The Head of CIS ( Cadet Intellegence Section) of the Knights of Harlech came to me in the early hours of Saturday morning the third of November 2012 with the blackest of news.

Word had come through our network of sympathisers who, at great risk to themselves, had smuggled out photographs and posted on the internet for all the world to see.  There can no longer be doubt as to the wickedness and depths of cruelty the Dark Lady or should I say ”She who can’t be Named”, will stoop to.

I needed to steel myself to be able to stand up in front of the nation, the Cadets, Squires and Knights.  It was to be the most difficult tasks I have ever had to do.  With a tear in my eye, I informed my Company of the loss of Mary Rose, the bravest and noblest, teddy in the world.  I described how Mary had fought evil in all its forms but had succumbed to “She who can’t be Named” and the huge dark forces at her disposal.  The Dread Mark was seen in the skies above Maidenhead from as far afield as Slough.

With much wailing and beating of breasts the news was taken in by the good people of Basingstoke.  A few Knights, with righteous indignation, wanted to ride out immediately to the lair of the Dark Lady and take revenge.  It took a lot of persuasion to restrain these headstrong good Knights, but their blood cooled and calm returned.

Every Cadet, Squire and Knight broke into small groups and vowed to each other “Justice will prevail” and argued on how to take their revenge.

Over a lunch of roast meats, roast potatoes, tender vegetables, gravy, stuffing and Yorkshire puddings, followed by a choice of chocolate Cake, applestrudel or bread and butter pudding with lashings of custard, deliciously cooked by MasterChef PO Stainer and our Castellan Mr Allum, (a pair of C/S instructors in the making if there were), all these quickly made plans were told to me.  Some I admit had merit and could be utilised while others ould fail immediately and if put into action would be defeated by “She who can’t be Named” and turned into her own victories.  It is not a secret that I have passed the problem on to our Combined Operations Division.

With heavy hearts we returned to work passing on the collective wisdom of the Senior Knights to the younglings and the secrets of marine navigation, when a rap on the gate of Harlech came.  We had learnt our lesson of not leaving the drawbridge down and gates open, trusting the good people of Basingstoke.  

A courier presented a letter to the Castellan who hurriedly brought it to me.

A facsimile is attached:

                                                         Buckingham Palace

Dear PO Wake,

Her Majesty has commanded me to tell you of Her great sadness and horror at the fate of Her most trust bear, Mary Rose.

The Queen recalled Miss Rose with affection when they met at both her Golden and Diamond Jubilee banquets.  The Queen and the Royal Household knew then of the work Miss Rose performed as a campaigner against cruelty and injustice.

Her Majesty wishes you to know that steps are underway to remove Maidenhead from the title of the Royal Borough and that a Royal Commission has been established to enquire into the dark deeds by the Thames.

The Queen sends Her sympathy to the good Cadets, Squires and Knights of Harlech and to all the good people of Basingstoke in there hour of sadness.

Sir Archbold Arbutnott-Smythe. KCVO

Royal Chamberlain

I had only just finished reading the letter and taking in the importance of what it said when another courier arrived:

We will be having a memorial to St Mary Rose, so we can celebrate her lifetime fight against tyranny.  It is with great relief that the fight against “She who can’t be Named” has now been taken up by the Great and the Good of the World.  A world united against injustice.

PO Wake Knight Commander of the Knights of Harlech.

Long Live Basingstoke

The Battle of Basingstoke, including its cause and effect.

It all started at a cocktail party held at Maidenhead Unit to celebrate the new District Officer.  Little did this naive man know that one of the foremost units in his district was a place of misery, cruelty, horror and injustice.

The party was pleasant with good conversation amongst all the visitors.  The good staff ofBasingstokewere polite and diplomatic enough not to mention the indication that not all was right.  Of note was the solitary duck - ignored and what looked like, confinement.  Isolated.  Whisperings amongst the good knights ofBasingstoke,  shhh, its been seen,  don’t bring attention to ourselves, we’ll talk later of what needs to be done.  Justice will prevail.

The good knights and their senior squires sat at the round table of justice, deliberating and came up with a meticulous plan to bring the Duck back to civilisation and granting him the freedoms as was his  right.

And so it happened with the plan going into action of D(duck) Day the 14 Oct 2012.  A day that will pass into the collective memory of the good folk ofBasingstoke– Duck Liberation Day.

Under the cover of Trafalgar day celebrations, a small commando of elite cadets under the inpired leadership of Petty Officers Stainers and Miles, infiltrated Maidenhead Unit.  By ruse and cunning with many distractions set, PO Miles rescued Nelson the duck from his captivity and slavery and under the noses of the Maidenhead guards walked out with Nelson tucked safely about her person.

Freedom at last!

Nelson was free at last and feted by the good people ofBasingstoke.  However the “paparazzi” wanted interviews and photographs of him all the time (remember when they caught up with him in the loo).

Nelson, now recovered from his ordeal of captivity and injustice was ready to talk to us about the dark deeds happening beside theThames.

Nelson started to describe how the children and ducks of theThamesValleywould be caught and enslaved by the wicked witches and warlocks near Boulters Lock and trapped with fear and awe.   He was speaking frankly and freely until one evening a solitary Junior Witch came toBasingstokeunder the pretext of collecting one of our Cadets.  If we knew then what we know now we would never have allowed one of our squires fall under such dark influences.  Thankfully our cadet was too strong even for them and resisted all attempts to subvert her to the dark life of drill and endless marching.  She escaped and came home safely.

The presence of the Witch inBasingstokepanicked Nelson so he hid under the coat of one of the knights, and the ordeal so frightened him that he could not speak as openly about the horrors of Taplow road.  The Knights, squires and Cadets of Basingstoke understood his fears and he became more treasured because of it.

Then the attack came, an evening that will go down in infamy.  The dark lady of Maidenhead gathered the dark forces around her, and powers too wicked to mention struck the innocents and White Knights of Harlech – direct descendents of Henry VIII elite corps of Mariners with all their history of valour and honour.

The cowardly attack came at 1935 hr and like creatures of the night they flew into the fortressof Harlech, creating fear before them.  They saw their quarry but our brave knights forged a ring of human steel around Nelson.  Our Knights being honourable could not, under their vows, strike back , but the blackness of the enemy overcame them and they were able to capture Nelson.  A swift recovery and counterattack was met with such a ferocity from the Dark Lady herself.  Our defences were hurt and knowing that adding more force to the defence would only provoke more evil from the intruders, it was decided to relinquish Nelson to the dark in order to protect the majority of innocents ofBasingstoke.

While tending to our wounded, an inhuman shriek of pain arose from good squires and cadets ofBasingstoke. 

“They have captured Mary-Rose, the best teddy in the Corps”

Now we knew we had two wounded souls in the hands of the dark lady and our only consolation was that they support each other.  The defiant Knights of Basingstoke beseeched the Dark Lady to hold her captives safe.

A council of war ensued, each Knight, squire and cadet swearing that whatever evils befell Mary-Rose, we would repay tenfold and that it was our sacred duty to rescue her and all such mascots ensconced in captivity wherever they be, in the name of Liberty, Equality, Truth, Justice and the Basingstoke way of life.

PO Bruce Wake, Knight Commander Grand Order ofHarlechCastle

A/C Martin Smith in action with the Sea Cadet Band at the national Trafalgar Day Parade in London. Very well done to Martin for representing the unit & National Sea Cadets.

Duck takes up residence at TS Mary Rose, now renamed 'Toilet Duck'

The Berkshire District Trafalgar Day Parade will be held next Sunday 14 October 2012, at Maidenhead. Will all cadets attending the parade make sure they are present at Fridays Parade night, this is to ensure the staff have enough transport in place.

Cadets attending Sundays Trafalgar Parade must be at the unit no later than 0815 as we will be leaving at 0830 sharp.

Number 1 uniforms are to be worn, cap cleaned & boots Bulled.

After the parade cadets will be attending the Maidenhead unit for refreshments & to help celebrate their 70th anniversary.

Approximate return to Basingstoke is 1600, please remain flexible on collection time, as it cannot be planned to the minute.